dynamism

my mother often calls me fickle minded and she absolutely hates my risk taking habits to the core!

i on the other hand, prefer to call it dynamism!..i'm one of those persons who isnt satisfied wid a mundane simple life and needs more adn more adn that too of a variety of things..i mentioned earlier how i luv compulsively..well..i also happen to luv a whole lot of things adn there's just sooooo much to do in life..! adn i have but this one life! to do it all..

my mother on the other hand has a favourite word..compromise...! jeez how much i hate the word..i wudnt really undermine the power of the word..its a real peace maker and all..but pls..each and every simgle time..no.thats not for me in the least!

mum has been thru lots of hell in life..and had to compromise at every single stage..she still does..its like that dialogue from the movie dilwale dulhaniya le jaayenge (DDLJ) when simran's mum tells her that every thing she ever does, being a woman will b sumtin thats gives others priority in her life rather than her own..first as a daughter, a sister, then as a wife, as a mother and so on and so forth adn there's no end to it...mum did that..cudnt take up her favourite subjects at skool, cuz her father refused..married adn then left her job...had kids and felt she needed to tend to them rather than work on sumtin for herself..

its not like she wants to strangulate me..but its well..conditioning u cud say..without realising..she's doing the same that her dad did to her..

she's been very supportive of my decisions..but everytime i decide sumtin..there's always that initial hurdle..a feeling of 'no dun do it..dun come crying to me later, i told u so' and all that jazz..

everytime particularly wen the decision has an element of risk involved..widout giving the first thought..before u know it ..its out of the window!

my mum is not much of a risk taker types..if she has a overnight weekend trip to a relative who lives at a distance of merely 2 hrs away..she plans 2 weeks ahead and has her packing finished when there's still ten days left to the trip!...yes so she's organised and is quite like monica from friends..obsessive compulsive bout beign organised and clean adn wat not..

damn the and again!

getting back..well i'm not liek her in those aspects..at all!..i hate having to plan or to pack tens of  days ahead..

wats strange is ma and i r soooooooooo similar..yet sooooooo different..it made me realise that no matter how similar 2 people r..they're 2 very different individuals adn will always b..even if they absolutely everything alike!

mayb ma's apprehension is from experience and i'm still inexperienced..or maybe ma never ever was the type..and i have my fathers genes in dynamism! but even dad can b like that.mayb its just teh generation..or two negatives made a positive..or communication gap..

my little battles wid ma over my dynamism made me realise...that my mum and i never ever had that conversation bout wat i really really want out of life..v alwys had sumtin more alarming to talk bout..at times that even meant wats to b cooked for dinner! sad..! i know..

she never asked me reasosn for wanting to do wat i wanted to do.always a yes or no as it whether i shud/cud or shudnt/cudnt do it!...and that was the end of the discussion..may thats y she doesnt know the game plan till now!

but is wanting wat i want to do..which is not only because i have interets or passion for it but also the perks of that thing which my family will b able to bear selfish thinking???

mum says i'm selfish..thinking only bout me.. how am i to prove i think of them..telling them is not the solution! for sure!...am confused..!